Outside the Sheets: When can I be sexy?

Imagine, you open up your social media account and the first picture you see is a built-looking male celebrity with his shirt off. The picture has tons of “likes” and the comments are all praising how good he looks. 

Now keep scrolling down to find a female celebrity wearing her new bikini.  There are still likes, there are still some comments of praise, but filled with other fun names like “slut” and “skank” and whatever other nasty sentences one can think of.

It’s the great double standard. Guys are allowed to show as much skin as they want, sleep with however many girls they like, dominate in the bedroom and receive nothing but praise.

Girls, on the other hand, show a little skin and are asking for cat calls, sleep with more than one person and are dirty, and god forbid they verbally say they enjoy sex because they are a "ho."

My mom raised me to be confident in my own skin and encouraged me to dress to impress. I always liked wearing a heel that was a bit higher, fishnets with my Halloween costumes and tops that showed my midriff. 

Society preaches self-esteem to women young and old, but if they find something they finally feel sexy in that shows a little more skin, they are scolded or slut-shamed for their appearance.

First looking at appearance, we can see women every day on television, in movies, on magazines and other materials where women are sexualized. People love to watch programs like the Victoria's Secret fashion show, Miss America, The Bachelor and others that sexualize women, yet if I wanted to post a photo of my new swim suit, skimpy dress, or lingerie I am labeled "W H O R E."

Now I am not saying that women need to be easy to be sexy. I believe that men should find attraction in our intellect and ambitions, and I’m not saying that we need to wear a mini skirt on every date. What I am saying is that IF I want to, why should I be criticized for it?

Moreover, this is just the backlash women receive on our appearance. This doesn’t even cover what we have to deal with when it comes to our actions. It is not my fault that I was given the gift of Shakira hips. So just because I’m on the dance floor and my hips aren’t lyin’, that is not an open invitation for you to rub your sweaty balls on me. If I want to dance with you, I’ll let you know, and if I turn you down, do you need to tell your buddies I’m a dumb bitch? There’s no happy medium.

Then there’s the big one, the word we mustn’t say: "SEX." God forbid women like the actual act of sex. While I cannot speak on every woman’s behalf, I believe that during (consensual) sex, whether it be with a man or a woman, the majority of us have never thought in the middle of it “let’s get this over with.”

Even though it’s something that is naturally a part of human life, even though our bodies are built to specifically enjoy it, despite its all-time media presence, for some reason, if an everyday woman brings up some kind of claim that she enjoys sex, she’s a skank. Just to clarify for those of you who are confused, sex feels good for women too!

Thankfully, there are women such as the amazing Amy Schumer (just to name one) who are bringing light to this issue with movies like Trainwreck. Sitting in the audience, it was nice to finally see it’s okay to be “a little slutty.” Now what we need to work on is understanding that this definition society has of being “a little slutty” is just normal.

It is important to know that I am a confident woman who loves my intelligence, my humor, my personality, and my body (on most days).  It’s time women embrace this, change the social norm, start this new sexual revolution and finally be accepted in saying, “I am a woman and I love sex."


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